Tuesday, September 1, 2020

THE BATTLE IN MY BODY ~ Proverbs 139


 Since 1967 author Joni Erikson Tada has been a quadriplegic in a wheelchair, and unable to move her hands. The result of a diving accident. She has suffered more than most of us can comprehend. And although my struggles are not the same as Joni’s, I hope those who experience the hardship of chronic pain or disease will be encouraged knowing you are not alone, as I shine the light on God’s goodness in the midst of my trials.

I had put up with pain in both shoulders for years. But the pain increased and was no longer limited to my shoulders. I had sleep deprivation, experienced extreme fatigue and frequent flu like symptoms with pain from head to toe. Chronic pain and sleep deprivation brought on anxiety. After a month of feeling like I'd been hit by a truck, I made an appointment with my nurse practitioner, Danielle.

It was February, 2005, when I sat in her office awaiting my appointment. As soon as Danielle walked in and asked how I was, my throat constricted and I tearfully said, "I feel awful. I hurt all over, and I can’t sleep." I had spent a lot of time in her office over a few months' time.

Danielle figured I’d come down with something, yet again. After having bronchitis, and twice thinking I had pneumonia, it seemed obvious I'd come down with another virus. Toward the end of my visit, she said, “No wonder you’re depressed! With all you have going on, I’d be depressed too!” I thought, depressed?

Oh no! Something else to deal with! But the Lord reminded me that depression was more than just a result from physical suffering. It was also a spiritual battle. I knew God would give me the victory—and He did. He showed me I needed to change my focus from worry to praise (I suggest reading Power in Praise by Merlin Carothers). Praise made all the difference in my outlook and helped dispel the darkness of depression.

Danielle ordered lab tests for rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Out of the four tests, two came back positive, but not the one specific to RA, which didn’t mean that I didn’t have it. Apparently you can have a false positive or a false negative result. She recommended I see a specialist in the field of rheumatology. With only a few rheumatologists in the area, it was a three month wait before I could get an appointment. Then, more testing and more waiting for lab results to determine what was going on in my body.

During one bout of extreme pain, sleep deprivation and frustration, while I had yet to receive a diagnosis, I turned to Isaiah 49. Tears welled in my eyes as I read verse 15. "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has born? Though she may forget, I will not forget you," (NIV). How precious! On my knees in my prayer closet, I imagined my head lying on the lap of my Lord, and wept like a child. 

He knew exactly what I was going through. He had not forgotten me. When my tears were spent, I felt the Lord gently say, "Get up now, and dry your tears." I responded, "I can do this Lord, because you are with me." 

After three and a half long months the verdict finally came in. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. Apparently they’re bed fellows. In times of desperation I cried out to the Lord, "I don’t understand…" and at other times I asked, "What is your purpose in this?" And yet, when I thought of all that Christ suffered on my behalf, I could not say, Why me? –But rather, Why not me?

Who was I that I should be spared suffering?

My physical ailments were compounded when a well-meaning sister in the Lord implied that I wasn’t healed because of sin or a lack of faith. If sin was the reason for sickness, we’d all be on our death beds. In James 5:15-16 one small word, "if", is often overlooked and scripture taken out of context. "And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned he will be forgiven." Italics mine. I had repented of sin. I had faith that I’d be healed in God’s time.

After suffering almost a year and a half with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, in which even clothing touching my skin was painful because of hypersensitive nerves, in February 2006 the symptoms suddenly stopped. Hallelujah!

Unfortunately, I still had a long road ahead of me, and more to endure. Coming off Darvocet and Oxycontin caused horrible withdrawals. Right when it seemed things couldn’t get worse, they did. At the Saturday evening Bible study my husband and I attended, a friend who used to be an emergency room nurse informed us that it would take 6-8 months to get the drugs completely out of my system. Only five weeks had passed.

My heart sank. I don't think I can do  this Lord. I struggled to keep my emotions intact. When we got home the withdrawals hit full force. My skin crawled, and I wanted to crawl out of it. Pain wracked my body from head to toe.

After lying awake most of the night, I missed church the following morning. But knowing our church staff gathers for prayer on Tuesday mornings, Monday I sent our pastor an email with my prayer request, ensuring they'd have it in time for Tuesday.

He replied to my email saying they would lift me up that night. What? It suddenly dawned on me that it was the first Monday of the month—the night of the monthly Monday night prayer meeting. Hope rose within me. That evening I prayed, "Lord please hear the prayers of your saints and take this from me." It was mid March.

Monday night, the Lord heard their prayers, and mine. He took my pain. It was a true miracle. The Lord wiped the drugs from my system. The withdrawals stopped! He provided joy in the storm and my heart overflowed over restored health, thanks to His wonderful mercy. 

Taken by Danie Marie
The first of June during my six month appointment with the rheumatologist, all my lab tests came back normal. Praise our wonderful Lord. 

I’ve personalized the first sentence in the first chapter of The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren—it’s not about me. Nothing touches us without being Father filtered. It’s encouraging knowing that He helps us cope to the end that His purposes are fulfilled, and understanding those purposes; the testing and strengthening of our faith, which brings deeper intimacy with Him.

Hang onto hope! These tents we inhabit will one day be replaced with immortal bodies—bodies without pain or disease—and God will wipe every tear from our eyes. If you’ve been blessed with good health, rejoice, because you never know if or when you’ll have to wear the shoes of suffering.

Lord, minister to those reading my testimony who are suffering. Come along side them and comfort them, and give them strength and endurance. I pray you work a miracle of healing in their bodies as you did in mine, to your glory. In Jesus name I pray, amen.


Love & Blessings ~ Danie Marie

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