I
had put up with pain in both shoulders for years. But the pain increased and was
no longer limited to my shoulders. I had sleep deprivation, experienced extreme
fatigue and frequent flu like symptoms with pain from head to toe. Chronic pain
and sleep deprivation brought on anxiety. After a month of feeling like I'd
been hit by a truck, I made an appointment
with my nurse practitioner, Danielle.
It
was February, 2005, when I sat in her office awaiting my appointment. As soon
as Danielle walked in and asked how I was, my throat constricted and I
tearfully said, "I feel awful. I hurt all over, and I can’t sleep." I had spent
a lot of time in her office over a few months' time.
Danielle figured I’d come down with something, yet again. After
having bronchitis, and twice thinking I had pneumonia, it seemed obvious I'd
come down with another virus. Toward the end of my visit, she said, “No wonder
you’re depressed! With all you have going on, I’d be depressed too!” I thought,
depressed?
Oh no! Something else to deal with!
But the Lord reminded me that depression was more than just a result from
physical suffering. It was also a spiritual battle. I knew God would give me
the victory—and He did. He showed me I needed to change my focus
from worry to praise (I suggest reading Power
in Praise by Merlin Carothers). Praise made all the difference in my
outlook and helped dispel the darkness of depression.
Danielle
ordered lab tests for rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Out of the four tests, two came
back positive, but not the one specific to RA, which didn’t mean that I didn’t
have it. Apparently you can have a false positive or a false negative result. She
recommended I see a specialist in the field of rheumatology. With only a few rheumatologists in
the area, it was a three month wait before I could get an appointment. Then, more testing
and more waiting for lab results to determine what was going on in my body.
During
one bout of extreme pain, sleep deprivation and frustration, while I had yet to receive a diagnosis, I turned to Isaiah 49. Tears welled
in my eyes as I read verse 15. "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has born? Though she may forget, I will
not forget you," (NIV). How precious! On my knees in my prayer closet, I imagined
my head lying on the lap of my Lord, and wept like a child.
He knew exactly
what I was going through. He had not forgotten me. When my tears were spent, I
felt the Lord gently say, "Get up now, and dry your tears." I responded,
"I can do this Lord, because you are with me."
After
three and a half long months the verdict finally came in. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia
and chronic fatigue syndrome. Apparently they’re bed fellows. In times of
desperation I cried out to the Lord, "I don’t understand…" and at
other times I asked, "What is your purpose in this?" And yet, when I thought
of all that Christ suffered on my behalf, I could not say, Why me? –But rather, Why not
me?
Who
was I that I should be spared suffering?
My
physical ailments were compounded when a well-meaning sister in the Lord implied
that I wasn’t healed because of sin or a lack of faith. If sin was the reason
for sickness, we’d all be on our death beds. In James 5:15-16 one small word, "if",
is often overlooked and scripture taken out of context. "And the prayer
offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned he will be forgiven."
Italics mine. I had repented of sin. I had faith that I’d be healed
in God’s time.
After
suffering almost a year and a half with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue
syndrome, in which even clothing touching my skin was painful because of hypersensitive nerves, in February 2006 the symptoms suddenly stopped. Hallelujah!
Unfortunately, I still had a long road ahead of me, and more to
endure. Coming off Darvocet and Oxycontin caused horrible
withdrawals. Right when it seemed things couldn’t get worse, they
did. At the Saturday evening Bible study my husband and I attended, a
friend who used to be an emergency room nurse informed us that it would
take 6-8 months to get the drugs completely out of my system. Only five weeks
had passed.
My heart sank. I don't think
I can do this Lord. I struggled
to keep my emotions intact. When we got home the withdrawals hit full
force. My skin crawled, and I wanted to crawl out of it. Pain wracked my body
from head to toe.
After lying awake most of the night, I missed church the following
morning. But knowing our church staff gathers for prayer on Tuesday mornings,
Monday I sent our pastor an email with my prayer request, ensuring they'd have
it in time for Tuesday.
He replied to my email saying they would lift me up that night. What? It
suddenly dawned on me that it was the first Monday of the month—the night of
the monthly Monday night prayer meeting. Hope rose within me. That evening I
prayed, "Lord please hear the prayers of your saints and take this from
me." It was mid March.
Monday night, the Lord heard their prayers, and mine. He took my
pain. It was a true miracle. The Lord wiped the drugs from my system. The withdrawals
stopped! He provided joy in the storm and my heart overflowed over restored
health, thanks to His wonderful mercy.
 |
| Taken by Danie Marie |
The first of June during my six month appointment with the
rheumatologist, all my lab tests came back normal. Praise our wonderful Lord.
I’ve
personalized the first sentence in the first chapter of The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren—it’s not about me.
Nothing touches us without being Father filtered. It’s encouraging knowing that
He helps us cope to the end that His purposes are fulfilled, and understanding those
purposes; the testing and strengthening of our faith, which brings deeper
intimacy with Him.
Hang
onto hope! These tents we inhabit will one day be replaced with immortal bodies—bodies
without pain or disease—and God will wipe every tear from our eyes. If you’ve
been blessed with good health, rejoice, because you never know if or when
you’ll have to wear the shoes of suffering.
Lord, minister to those reading my testimony who are suffering. Come along side them and comfort them, and give them strength and endurance. I pray you work a miracle of healing in their bodies as you did in mine, to your glory. In Jesus name I pray, amen.
Love & Blessings ~ Danie Marie
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